As Tat’s previous post hints at….we got in trouble at Great Adventure over the weekend. To set up the scene, all day long I’d been having trouble getting a cell on my phone. I was also on my last battery, so when Tat and I headed to her car around 8pm to get our jackets, I left my phone in the trunk. I did it mostly cause it was becoming a pain to carry and since I figured it wouldn’t work anyway, why carry it around. I suppose I should mention that Tat suggested I leave it in the car right after I did it.
It’s important to note, we’ve both been given orders to carry our phone every where we go. I’m not really sure why that order didn’t stick with me in this situation. I’d been doing really well with it previously. I do know however, that I’d mentioned that my phone wasn’t getting a cell to at least 2 people and I guess I thought one of those was Daddy. But anyway…
So around 9pm Tat and I decided to bail from the long ass line of the Haunted Hayride and head over to get seats for the Fireworks. We left Daddy, Flagg and his girls in line and headed over and found a really nice seat on the grass. I want to divert the horror long enough to tell you I was having a wonderful time hanging out with Tat on the grass. We were cuddling, talking, and Tat even scared a girl who thought she was “dead” as part of the theme park entertainment. But then it hit me. The only phone number that E (one of the girls) had was mine. And I didn’t have my phone. Just about then Daddy called us on Tat’s phone to find out how to get to us. Honestly, I can’t remember exactly what brought on the fact that I didn’t have my phone during their conversation but I do know that when Tat hung up…she said Daddy was pissed.
I am going to tell this as I thought I heard it at the time… but looking back it might not be exactly the way it actually happened as Daddy’s memory of the conversation doesn’t match with mine.
Daddy was furious by the time he reached us. “Who the fuck’s idea was it to leave the phone in the car?” he said. At the time, I thought Tat spoke up and said it was her’s but honestly I couldn’t really hear her. I know that I spoke up, saying it was mine. He asked me why I wasn’t already on my way to the car to get the phone and I told him that I didn’t want to leave when I knew he was coming. He said that since Tat would have known where I was, I should have gone. I apologized to him and told him I could go then to get the phone. “I don’t care who goes or if both of you go but someone better go to the car and get the phone,” he said. I wasn’t about to be the one to stay behind, especially with him so angry. Tat spoke up and said she’d go with me to the car and we practically ran to the car to get it.
Tat’s presence kept me from crying on the way to the car. Normally that would have been my reaction. I’m getting better then I use to be, but when I get in trouble I tend to cry. These days it’s one or two tears, but never the less….I still cry. But something about being with her helped me stay as calm as was possible in the situation. We got the phone and it still had no cell, but luckily I had called E’s cell phone before we’d left so Tat was able to call her. She didn’t answer but it did leave her number which made us feel a bit better about the situation. Up until that point it was likely we’d be totally separated and have to leave the park without ever talking to them.
We ran back to Daddy who was waiting for us and he took my phone from me. He wasn’t happy to find out that I had no cell, especially since he did. He said it was likely I’d broken it when it had been dropped one of at least two times that day. I started to feel worse and worse as he messed with the phone and scowled at the phone and me. Finally he decided we should go find a seat and both Tat and I followed him. He found some place that was suitable to him and sat down on the curb. I sat down next to him dejectedly staying as quiet as possible, making sure not to look at him. Tat knelt next to him on the ground. Daddy continued to mess with my phone and the fireworks show started so I tried to look interested. Suddenly I felt him elbow my arm and tell me to sit on the ground. I kicked myself silently for not doing it in the first place and felt very much “in my place”.
I admit, most the time though I do realize I am not an equal to Daddy, it’s very easy to feel “special” or “prized” in that way that some of the women who were taken by Vikings were. Some of them, though they were servants were placed higher because they were favored by a Viking, and that’s usually how I feel. When he told me to sit on the ground, basically the thought “how could you think you were worthy or even equal enough to sit on the curb next to him?” hit me. About then, a few tears started. I sat on the ground next to him, hoping that my face was turned enough so that he didn’t see the tears. I hoped Tat didn’t see them either but I didn’t dare look her way. I didn’t want her to be ashamed of me for crying.
Needless to say, the fireworks sucked for me. I watched them with enough interest to pick out one or two that I liked, but for the most part I felt horrible during the whole show. After it was over, I knelt up and faced him like Tat was doing. I’d been trying to use her as my guide for what to do from the moment I knew he was mad. After a few minutes we got up and headed towards the front of the stadium in hopes we be able to contact Flagg and the girls. For the record, we did get a hold of them….but while we waited for them Daddy sat himself up on a low wall and told us to kneel. We did.
I feel horrible now because I can’t remember his exact words. I only remember bits and pieces of what he said. I should remember it all. I know he told me that he wasn’t mad that I’d dropped the phone. He told me that even he had dropped equipment. But that he was upset that I’d left my phone in the car. He told me that it was important I had it because he worried about me, wanted to be able to get in touch with me. He told me that we’d deal with my punishment the next day since he was going to be going to Tat’s that night. I think he told me to apologize and I think I remembered to call him Sir.
Then he turned to Tat. Sadly I was still in “me” mode, feeling horrible for having disappointed and failed him. So when he said to her “You are a very smart girl….” I couldn’t help but feel even more horrible about what I’d done. He went on to let her know what he was upset with her for and let her know that he’d be punishing her for it. I know that I still didn’t fully believe it was her fault. I don’t mean that to sound as arrogant as it does. I know it’s not my place to decide what he can fault her for…but it’s just how I felt.
He had us stand up and for all intents and purposes it was over for now until he punished us later as a reminder. I could tell by the time he started talking to me he wasn’t as angry anymore but it takes me longer to get over my errors then it does for him to get over what I’ve done. When we found out where to meet the rest of the gang we headed to meet them. On the way there we talked about the whole situation very clinically. How we felt, why it was important to do, etc. I was bummed but felt a little better by the time I headed home with Flagg and the girls. I’ll be getting my punishment sometime soon.
Note 1:
I feel it’s important to talk about how I felt regarding Tat’s “involvement”. It’s so hard to look up to someone and not put them under pressure to hold their high standard. I can only say that it’s not my intention to make her feel pressured, though I know because of her personality and because of her feelings towards me that she can’t help it. I can only stress again that there isn’t anything I can think of that would make me believe her less then she is.
You would think that someone who’d spent a fair amount of time learning to get over being jealous of situations and learning how to be in a poly situation would go “hot damn it’s about time she get in trouble,” but it never crossed my mind. And not even because I look up to her.
- I didn’t really think it was her fault.
- My feelings keep growing for Tat and thusly, I would never wish for her to face anger or be in trouble.
Note 2:
I will not go into the details of why she was in trouble. She can tell you if she wants to. I do want to say that I understand Daddy’s reasoning. So…there ya go.