You may notice (or not) a change in my header. I went from “illusive lucidity” to “it hurts to be beautiful”. I wanted to find something that summed up why I keep this site, like “if the collar fits” does for her site. It took me a while to come up with this and I’m not totally sure it says it all but it’s suppose to sum up that my main goals are to work hard on becoming a better person (in all aspects of my life) and that it’s usually not very easy for me to achieve this goal. That this blog is a result of me talking about those things and how I’m getting there, etc. It’s also something my mom always use to say to me when I complained about how much the tangle in my hair hurt while trying to get them out. Kinda like “suck it up and stop complaining”. So…there ya go.
So far today…I’m pretty proud of myself. I’m not going to dwell on how sad it is ‘why’ I’m proud of myself…I’m just going to “be”. Had to start my count over again today. Part of me is very unhappy about it. Part of me is happy that it happened because I felt like some things got accomplished and figured out. I feel like a blind person who’s walking through a house they’ve lived in all their life but is SURE someone moved all the furniture.
Some of the things I’m proud of:
- waking up from taking a nap
- working out for 15 mins when I was only striving for 10
- having a sucessful talk about some hard thing without loosing my tone
- starting some very important things in order to accomplish some of my goals
- figuring the fuck out what my main goal is
Today’s applicable lyrics. For those of you who like to try and figure out why the lyrics I put up apply to my life, all I’m going to say is keep in mind that the POV’s shift in this song for me.
This is how a heart breaks – Rob Thomas
Don’t you wanna go for a ride
Just keep your hands inside
And make the most out of life
Now don’t you take it for granted
Life is like a mean machine
It made a mess outta me
It left me caught between
Like an angry dream I was stranded
And I’m steady but I’m starting to shake
And I don’t know how much more I can take
This is it now
Everybody get down
This is all I can take
This is how a heart breaks
You take a hit now you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
This is how a heart breaks
Don’t you wanna go for a ride
Down to the other side
Feels so good you could cry
Now won’t you do what I told you
I remember when you used to be shy
Yeah, once we were so fine
You and I why you gotta make it so hard on me
And I’m sorry but it’s not a mistake
And I’m running but you’re getting away
You’re not the best thing that I knew
Never was never cared too much
For all this hanging around
It’s just the same thing all the time
Never get what I want
Never get too close to the end of the line
You’re just the same thing that I knew back before the time
When I was only for you
This is it now
Everybody get down
This is all I can take
This is how a heart breaks
You take a hit now you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
This is how a heart breaks