Sometimes I think I want the world. I dont necessarily think I deserve it…but that doesn’t stop me from wanting it…
Take for instance the fact that, ultimately, I want to have my Daddy and my sister…and a boyfriend. That’s a lot to ask the world for. It’s a lot to ask from a boyfriend. “Hi…I’m gonna have great sex with you….go on dates with you and make you smile…we’ll even have a relationship if we can swing it….oh..but did I tell you that you can’t make any of the decisions about WHEN and where you get to see me? And well…ultimately you have to come second?” Nice huh?
How can you ask for something like that and expect someone to just be ok with it? Especially since the kind of guys I want…have a spine? I mean…what good are they to me if they can’t take a little dominant action with me in bed? LOL That sounds really horrible. But you get what I’m saying, right?
I’ve never been the kind of person who can have a fuck buddy. Don’t get me wrong…I’m trying to move slower then I have in previous situations…but I admit to wanting a boyfriend…not just a friend who I screw sometimes. I’d even go so far as to stay friends with a lot of benefits. ๐
Just like I believed jealousy could be overcome in my relationship…deep in my little selfish heart of hearts I believe I can have it all. If I just work hard enough and do it right. But the fact of the matter is…am I the one doing most of the work? At least any of the work that’s noticeable.
What am I doing? I’m promising to work my ass off to not get a bf’s time revoked by getting trouble. I’m promising to maintain a happy attitude so that everyone is happy in the situation. There are a few other thoughts as to what I’d be offering but they seem really lame in comparison with the big one of “you can’t come first”.
Is it too much to ask someone? Is it to much too expect?
Is it too much to think I am worth asking someone to do that for me? I may be worth a lot…but that’s an awful hell of a lot.
And aside from that…is it possible to make my family happy too?