So I know I’ve told a few people before…can’t remember if I’ve mentioned it here or not…but sometimes I feel like I have to “pay” for a good day(s) with a few really shitty bad days. I believe it’s on a check list somewhere for depression that if you feel that way…you got it! LOL
Today…I fuckin rock! I never know when I’m going to wake up this way. I never know what causes me to feel this way. People usually look at me like I’ve been taken over by podpeople cause I’m hyper and giggly, all smiles and making jokes, sometimes bratty and often more confident then you can imagine me being. Everyone really likes me this way. “I” like me this way. Anyone got a pill that will make me this way all the time? LOL *teasing*
The interesting thing is…while my hyper good days have still been few…people have been commenting a lot that they are really pleased with how I’ve been lately. They like that I seem to want to be out among people. They feel I”m opening up from my shell…maturing a bit. They like the smiles and the “pain-free”-atude I seem to be exuding. The joke around here is that it’s the boots. Some people say I am this way cause of the boots. Daddy says he thinks it’s more like I gained a level (like in D&D…and therefore I can now WEAR the boots…kinda like being able to get a vorpal sword now….god I’m old)
Whatever it is…I really like it. I like being able to get out and be among people. I love feeling all adult cause I can go to the city by myself or to the gym at midnight. I love my sister but I like not having to make her drag me around cause “Dad made her” (don’t get me wrong…I know she doesn’t mind having me along). I loved walking into the gym tonight at midnight feeling all confident. I felt like I deserved to be there not awkward. I even got a smile from a buff guy cause I looked him in the eyes as he passed me. People do that if you look at them…who knew! I like being the kind of person who decided to go down for a snack and got strawberries, brie and crackers (yeah sorry boy). I like how people respond to the positive confident Kimi.
I love looking foward to going to the gym…then looking forward to getting home so I can work on my podcast. I feel productive…dare I say…important and useful.
Depression is not quite as transient as pain. I can feel the fringes of it if I think about it. I’m not looking foward to it returning. I’m not stupid enough to say it’s not coming back. I’m just trying to figure out how to postpone it and make the visit as short as possible.