So yesterday I attempted to start my “fake it till I make it” campaign. I believe I had moderate if not good success as I was fairly calm, self-assured, and rational yesterday. I sat down and tried to figure out where the ball started rolling at and I believe it came after I finished the two “hard level” soduku puzzles. As I sit here and write, I realize I may need to start doing them regularly because I feel smart when I can do one.
Later on yesterday, I went grocery shopping for the second time since I started my new meal plan. I didn’t go with a list this time. I simply mentally checked off what I needed and looked at other options via the nutritional content to pick food for the week. I also bought food for Daddy as he’s working on eating healthier too. Going by myself made me feel very grown up, independant. Very self-sufficient. Paying for it and carrying it to the car, and picking out the correct choices made me feel like I was capable of handling responsibilty well. Overall, I felt like I was headed in the right direction of my goals and that was a great boost to my motivation.
I help finish a big chunk of my new venture, Crystal Programming, yesterday as well. The site is live and here’s hoping it makes some revenue. (feel free to use the banner at the side to support the site). I know you guys must get tired of the billions of sites I make but I suppose RSS makes it easy to keep up with if you like going to them but don’t want to have to click constantly just to see if it’s been updated. ๐ I felt productive by being able to help finish the site. The ideas I came up with as far as how I wanted the icons to look for each product, the copy I wrote, and the prices made me feel very creative.
I dealt with a relationship issue yesterday and today and felt very good about the outcome. It may not be resolved but my rationality and realism is in tact and those are important things. ๐
And lastly to cap off the night of accomplishments, I ran the school again while Sensei is away. Daddy was there to be the black belt on the floor and teach but it was on my shoulders to manage the desk, the kids, the new people, the money, the phone calls, and the other people who came in to teach. At one point I felt like a traffic cop as I stood off to the side of the floor watching each little patch of activity I had going. Daddy ran the regular kids through drills, I put a good teen teacher with a new student who’s smart and quick, I had 4 other teens helping with 4 other new kids not so fast, I was managing the parents and manning the phones. Occasionally the teens would come to me and go “ok what next” or “should we do x” and it felt good to be able to assess the situation and guide them to the next step. During my class I didn’t take the new adult and get out of the work out. I handed it off to someone else so I kept the responsibility and work of my workout. I also got a chance to practice a throw and it looks like I might actually have learned to pull it off in competition. All of those things made me feel good.
It all sums up to me feeling fairly good when I woke up this morning. Feeling motivated enough, not to go back to sleep but to get up and start working, start looking ahead of my day instead of dreading the drag through time until the next problem.
It’s going to be an ongoing process. I know there really isn’t going to be a day where I can let up on “faking it” but eventually the perpetual motion will be so strong that it will become easier and less work to keep my self-esteem going.
If you have self-esteem issues I recommend going to pick up “The Six Pillars of Self Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden. I’m not done with the book but it’s already helping I think.
Now go over and check out www.crystalprogramming.com!