I got a request yesterday from someone who wanted me to write more about my thoughts on submission. It’s hard to come up with topics sometimes that I think are ok to share. I am glad however that the things I have to say are helping people. That’s what I wanted from my blog in the first place.<\/p>\n
Today already seems hard. I’ve made a few errors that really could have gone either way. These are the moments in a subs life where you don’t have all the info you need and you need to make a decision about what to do. Sometimes you are right. Sometimes you are wrong. Once you’ve made a few of these mistakes it’s hard to get out of the frame of mind that you are walking on egg shells. And once you start that cycle it all just goes down hill.<\/p>\n
He’s not “upset” if you want to call it that anymore. It was really just an annoyed comment on what I did wrong but enough to make me feel bad about the mistake. So he’s over it and I’m not. That’s why the cycle stays in place. You can’t get over it…you aren’t the happy person you are suppose to be…you either make more mistakes or your attitude brings his attitude down. It sucks.<\/p>\n
The answer to how you break the cycle? Yeah I don’t like the answer. It seems so easy and yet it’s just not. I guess because I want to hold onto my defensiveness about having been wrong. When I’m wrong I feel incompetant. When I feel incompetant I feel worthless. When I feel worthless it’s hard to see straight about almost everything. Jealousy arises. Resent arises. And it’s all for nothing if you just “get over it and move on”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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