By now the vast majority of people who know me know that my life has taken a drastic change and that my relationships have been seriously altered. I am responsible for these changes…some good…some bad.<\/p>\n
I have always had this blog as a way for me to post about things I’ve learned about life and making myself a better person. Because I found myself in a position where there were people looking up to me, I also tried to be someone they had a reason to as well as a mentor and a good example. I have made a lot of progress over this last two years and come to several realizations. I’ve learned recently that in reaction to fear (while I always knew it as an issue just not that it was related to my fears) I lie. Everyone has something they do as a reaction to fear. Some people may argue and get defensive. Some people make jokes and laugh it off. Some people deal with it and then handle it rationally. There are both positive and negative ways of handling that fear. And until 2 days ago, I handled my fear by lying.<\/p>\n
I’m having a difficult time knowing that everyone knows the extent of my dishonor and my “fear” is that I will have to live the rest of my life with everyone thinking I’m a horrible person who deserves nothing from anyone. I try to remind myself that I’m human and that so is everyone else and that no matter what they say to the world, deep down everyone knows that they themselves have made bad decisions. If nothing else I’m glad I can say that while I am one of those people, I took action to fix it. Kaizen<\/p>\n
I don’t pretend that it is fixed, and while I’m scared to start all over while my fears snear at me from the side of the road (I’m big into analogy these days) I did the right thing and with enough work anything can be fixed.<\/p>\n
What I am being offered is beyond anything I believe I deserve or could even imagine I would be given and I can’t thank those people enough. I want to thank everyone who’s been caring and supportive despite my actions. It means a lot to me. There are people who’s opinions matter to me, and it makes me sad that I’ve lost their respect. I know several of them will not let me gain it back. And that hurts.<\/p>\n
I want so many things (always have), and among them I would like to be someone who’s worth being looked up to. Someone who’s honorable and someone who did the right thing no matter the cost and was willing to work though it all to get better.<\/p>\n
I am sorry…but more then being sorry…I will fix it despite my fears.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By now the vast majority of people who know me know that my life has taken a drastic change and that my relationships have been seriously altered. I am responsible for these changes…some good…some bad. I have always had this blog as a way for me to post about things I’ve learned about life and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/kimiko-dreams-com.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4202"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/kimiko-dreams-com.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/kimiko-dreams-com.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kimiko-dreams-com.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kimiko-dreams-com.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4202"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/kimiko-dreams-com.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4202\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/kimiko-dreams-com.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4202"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kimiko-dreams-com.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4202"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kimiko-dreams-com.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4202"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}