Feeling better




So I’m doing better today then I have the last few days. I went to the Dr today and managed to get in touch with my therapist who had been nice enough to track down my dr to get some of the meds I need. I spoke to the Dr today later and she’s putting the other meds I need aside and I can go up there tomorrow and get them.

I’m not having the debate about if it’s a need or a want…but I do know that I can’t live coherantly feeling the way I’ve felt the last week. I’ve felt that before and it’s so much like pain…transient until you feel it again and go.. “oh my god..yeah I remember this. This SUCKS!” I cry. I make everyone’s life unhappy. I make me unhappy.

My insanity has taken on the form of major insecurity. The focus…Adam. I could give you a list of 8 billion great things he’d said or done over the last week and change and none of that would counter the one hugely out of control insecure fear that any second now he was going to high tail it out of dodge and never want to see me again or that I’m not sexy enough. The more I feared it the more I perpetuated it in this dire need of reassurance. Add all that to his stress level and his work load and it doesn’t make for a happy week.

I can’t tell you how wonderful he was about it though. He talked me through it. He reassured me. He made me laugh. He got me to calm down. He made me see I’m not running him off. It helped. Long distance is hard enough….long distance on insecurity is a nightmare.

I got to spend Friday night with him and it was great! He picked me up at the train stop (there was no station LOL) since it was a weekday and the train ran all the way near him. We hit a few of his errands and he took me to an Italian resturant for dinner. It was really tasty. We even talked during dinner. LOL ๐Ÿ™‚ He drove me to his work and we walked around the store holding hands. Maybe he was showing me off…maybe he wasn’t….but I had a big smile on my face cause I felt like he was proud of me. I know I’m silly but I get a rush out of kissing him in public to. You gotta love PDA, man!

After that we went to his house and I showed Aidan the toy I got for him. Colorful string on a stick…who wouldn’t love it. I helped him tie himself up in knots. Adam gave me the surprise he’d gotten for me. He replaced my Gilded Tarot Deck. My first one got water logged from an accident. It’s my favorite deck and it was so increadibly sweet of him to replace it…just cause. ๐Ÿ˜‰

We spent some quality alone time. I may kiss and tell but I won’t spill all the beans. Let’s just say we both got a work out and I can’t wait to do it again. LOL We took a few naps and we watched Brokeback Mountain, Alexander, and part of Taking Lives over the course of my visit. He even made me sleep. He went out for a walk and I was a good girl and slept. I passed out to be honest. I even dreamt so I was apparently tired.

He woke me up for food and we had steak and sweet potatoes that he cooked for me. He says next time he’s going to make me crab legs. This man knows how to win my heart. LOL More naps and playing with the kitties and cuddle time then it was time for him to drive me to the diner, eat a meal with Tat and Daddy and then let him trudge off to work while we made our way back to Tat’s place.

I wish I could express how happy he makes me.ร‚ย How as a result it’s improved the attitude ofร‚ย our family. How much brighter things are (when I’m on my meds). Alot of you have commented on it. One day at a time…slow and steady wins the race. Insanity at a minimum and I could be the luckiest girl on the planet with a wonderful Daddy, an awesome sister, and a fantastic boyfriend.