I kinda lost my sh*t today. I haven’t been stressing about packing or our trip at all. That’s pretty unusual for me considering. I had actually noticed the lack of stress a few days ago and thought to myself maybe it was my new found understanding of “the game” but apparently that wasn’t it at all. I was just postponing it.
I was less then friendly today with everyone concerned. I think I must have “play”รย hit Daddy in frustration about a zillion times. I say “play” cause if I was serious about hitting him I’d get my butt kicked. He was teasing me and he let me pound on his arm a lot considering. Course he was picking on me to so….a lot of the frustration came from that.
I had to run a few errands today and ran to get a package for Tat that didn’t get delivered correctly. By the time she got here I was snapping at everyone who spoke to me and I felt like crap when she handed me a notebook that said “angel” on it to take with me on our trip. Somewhere along the line she adopted “Princess” and I adopted “Angel” so we get each other stuff with the corresponding names. I had just told her I was sorry for snapping at her when she handed it to me. Sheesh…
My frustration and withdrawl from seeing Adam hit a roof today and right after he got done confiding in me a bit I freaked on him. One of those things where right after you get off the phone you are like “what the hell was on your mind?”.รย I’m so un-use to a having a relationship like ours I think I end up straining it most the time while I’m trying to process it. There are so many aspects to consider and keep track of that I think I get overwhelmed sometimes. I wonder at his patience and occasionally wonder if I’ve made things bad in my attempts to figure things out. I know everyone is pretty sure I can’t make it work. That i won’t be able to get through the xmas season or even his vacation. If he keeps working with me and his patience and understanding holds I know I will. I thought poly was hard the first time around…who knew the second time wouldn’t be any easier.
My current goals are trying to work on my self-confidence, attempting to give people I love enough space to miss me and come to me instead of me chasing after them constantly, patience (that’s a HUGE one), and finding a hobby to get myself out of my head when the other stuff makes it hard to focus.
In the mean time….we are out of here for DragonCon. I’ll be gone until Tuesday but I hope to be able to log in now and then to check mail, upload pictures, update my blog and generally mess around. I have also brought back a popular favorite…my live365 radio station. I’ll be playing songs when I’m not letting the room listen to the silence that is the room. ๐ So check for the link later to listen to songs I like.