I know it’s been forever since I blogged here. Best explination I can offer is that I needed time off. I just needed time to feel ok about posting again. I guess it’s time to get back on the horse and start feeling like life is normal again. It’s not fully, but what was that phrase….”fake it till you make it”?
Things are going ok. Daddy is still treating me better then I feel I deserve and lots of things are being worked on in all areas. I’ve been writing more. Been going to the gym regularly. Making an effort to be closer and good to my families. I haven’t lied knowingly except for once and I ended up coming clean with my Mom on that lie.
My motivation has been coming and going over the last week or two. I’m in the process of seeing if it has anything to do with taking (or in this case…not taking) the Xanax. When I went to see my psychaitrist she was pretty upset that my primary care doctor had given it to me. Both she and my therapist are concerned of the possibility of addiction and I get that. But she’s also under this impression that Xanax often kills people…thru various means. So I spent about two weeks actively refusing myself the Xanax when I felt like I needed it.
After a phone call to my mom where I felt a bit unstable I agreed that maybe I was being a little TOO cautious. I’ve felt better over the last two days but I’m keeping track to see if that’s due to other factors like active focus on my accomplishments, etc or if the help of the Xanax is a factor. Regardless I plan to talk to my psychatrist soon and I’m thinking of going to see an Endocrinologist to double check that all my chemistry is good. ๐ See I have a plan. LOL
I’ve been using the laptop a lot more and getting more writing done. I’m on Chapter 3 of Guardians and I actually finished mostof my plot points and wrote the ending in my head the other night. For the most part I feel like all that’s left to do is just write it. A very interesting feeling since it’s the first time I’ve felt that way. LOL ๐
Other then those things….that’s about all that’s going on. Puppycat has been a wonderful companion and I’m feeling very blessed to have him around. (Thanks Tat!) I’m looking foward to more outside activities. I’m hoping to go ice skating soon now that my fricken sinus and ear infection is primarily over.
I have links I’m going to post soon so be on the look out for that. For now I just wanted to get something posted.