Be here at 3pm…

So you can wait for another 2 and a half hours. I had my Dr.’s apt today about my headaches and my arm. It’s the clinic and I’m on Charity Care (or suppose to be) so it’s not a shock that I had to wait but 3 hours?? Sheesh. I came in at 2pm and sat with what had to have been 35 people watching more come in and some trickle out, and some how I still managed to be THE last patient out. They actually turned the lights out on Daddy’s mom in the waiting room and left. :shaking head:

Anywho….the Dr is referring me to the Headache Clinic at the UMDNJ. Who knew they had one! :shrugs: It would be a miracle if they actually managed to take control of my headaches. He also gave me Furiocet for my headaches. Just enough to get me through until I see them (I hope).

As for the arm…he says he’s not going to bother to send me the Physical Therapy Dept because as he says my arm is strong and there’s really nothing wrong with it except severe tendonitis. His first recommendation for curing my headaches and my arm was to suggest quitting karate. Yeah…that’s gonna fly. Like a lead balloon. Then he said I should take 4 to 6 weeks off of strenuous exercise with that arm. So no pushups and no fighting or blocking. That’s going to put me so behind.  Part of me wants to sneak in some girl pushups here at home just to keep me from slipping from where I’ve gotten but then another part of me says “how’s that actually suppose to HEAL your arm so you can get better?” Yeah yeah….you’re right. Sensei is ok with it. Told me not to get depressed. I’d work it out. Now I know the other guys are going to pass me.

3 of our old black belts who left the school came back tonight. They rejoined and everything. Sensei kept telling my peers they were going to have a rough test. I wasn’t included in that. I don’t know if it’s cause he left me out on purpous or I just wasn’t in line of sight. Daddy says it’s the second.

I made another huge mistake last night. Or rather….mistakes that have been building up from the last time caught up with me. Why does this crap ALWAYS happen close to our anniversary. I feel like every year my present ends up being that I get to stay. So I’m starting over in the process of trying to fix things. There comes a point where you just can’t say you are sorry anymore or that you’re going to try and fix it and you’ll be better. It starts to sound meaningless, let alone pointless. But what can I do but try or leave.

Daddy’s NLP book that I got him for Xmas “Frogs into Princes” has been kinda useful. I’ve tried to do one of the exercises for helping you overcome issues you don’t like about yourself. It’s unclear if it’s working. I’ll have to go into more detail at a later date as I know Daddy and I’m sure you would be interested in hearing about it.

Other then that the depression and anxiety, as well as stress has been off the chart. I’ve been keeping track of my headache intensity and frequency as well as my mood on my calendar on the wall. Even took it to show the dr. I’m gonna keep doing that and I’ll take it in again when I go to my Psych apt. I got some more kava kava for the anxiety. I simply can’t allow the anxiety to paralyse me until I can see the dr.  I don’t have the time or slack for it.

That’s really all for now. More later.